The Woes of Fifth Period
by thatchick totallyrox
Summary: Bella and the Cullen gang sit through a term of health classess.Teenage pregnancy, sexual education, contraception, you name it they study it. Whatever you want to happen youll get! Rated M just in case :  enjoy xx
1. The Beginning

**Hello everyone! This is my first fan fiction so go easy on me. Any suggestions at all feel free to add in your review. Thank you for reading and btw I don't own twilight (unfortunately) that would belong to the fantastic Stephanie Meyer. **

_**Monday Health Class**_

BPOV

My life was ruined. It was official. I'll get to that later but first here's the beginning.

Period 5 – otherwise known as the last session of the nightmare people call school. I'm Bella Swan a typical teenage girl worried about myself image, obsessed with my boyfriend and tired of crabby teachers and stupid homework… totally normal. Did I forget to mention that my boyfriend is the most gorgeous sparkling, immortal, protective, masochistitic vampire in the world! Yep that's right ladies and gentlemen Edward Cullen is my boyfriend.

His "adopted" brothers and sisters Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were also surviving this catastrophe that they call school with me and for that I was eternally grateful. Somehow they had managed to get themselves all into my period five Monday class despite the obvious difference in age. I just hoped that the poor receptionist had recovered from the dazzling of her life form the three most gorgeous boys on the planet. Don't tell Rose I said that, she'd murder me…literally. Life was always… fun? Yes ... safe? never (not with Emmett around anyways) ... eventful? yes … always eventful with the Cullens around .

So back to period five, it occurs every Monday afternoon, my least favourite class … health. We had just finished drugs and alcohol (which was pointless because I could guarantee that half the class knew more about them form experience than the teacher) and were moving onto a new topic. We settled into our usual seats and I snuggled into Edwards chest as we waited for the teacher to arrived. Emmett and Rosalie were busily whispering and judging by the look on Edwards face it had nothing to do with the upcoming project. He turned around and uttered something at vampire speed which I didn't quite catch. Rosalie and Emmett fell silent for a moment then continued a more appropriate conversation. Alice giggled behind me and a moment later I heard Edward chuckle. At this point I should have been wary but I wasn't. I loved Edward with all my heart but that chuckle meant trouble, usually at my expense.

"What's so funny?" I asked casually.

"Oh nothing much, Alice just had a funny vision that's all…" Edward replied hastily. I snuck a look at him through my lashes but his poker face had slipped back into place as he focused on blocking out the thoughts around him. His fingers drummed on the desk in front of us. God he was gorgeous if only he would use his fingers on me like that if only he would…

"Ahem!" The teacher appeared at the front of the room and cleared her throat. She was a kind teacher always cheerful and truly believed that she was making a difference in children's lives. Ha! She obviously hadn't been a teacher that long. A hush fell about the room as she took started up the projector and cleaned the board.

"Now class, our next unit of work will be dedicated to the wonders of…"

EPOV  
Sigh! Another day in my tragic immortal life. At least I have Bella I thought. Emmett and Rosalie were having a rather… um… dirty conversation that although I had been trying to block out unsuccessfully was really getting on my nerves.

I turned around quickly and said " Can you two please stop fooling around! We're in school for Carlisles sake, can it not wait until we get home?" Rose shot me a glare and Emmett gave me a shit eating grin.

"Emmett get your hand off of her panties!" With that I turned around and concentrated on the voices around me, desperate to rid myself of the conversation they had just had.

"_Fuck! Edward is sooooo fine. What does he see in that bitch!" _Probably Lauren. Jealous slut!

"_Hmm that cat woman suit was so fucking sexy when she bent over that way, her ass right in my…" _Oh hell no there was no way I was hearing ANOTHER one of Emmett's dirty fantasies. Did he always think with his smaller head?

"_Edward! I know your listening, check out this vision. Isn't Bella going to love this!" _Alice's voice rang loudly in my head and she giggled as the vision played over in her head. I chuckled as a saw the topic of this unit. Well maybe this unit wasn't going to be as boring as I thought it would be. Bella glanced at me and I relaxed my face. He heart beat increased and I felt her skin flush and I wondered for the thousandth time that day what on earth was she thinking about…

Ms Slate's voice broke into my thoughts. "Now class, our next unit of work will be dedicated to the wonders of…" 

**Well darlings, I hoped you liked the chapter! More in store for you coming soon and please if you have read this story and like/hate/want to dance with this chapter PLEASE review!  
I will change the story to suit your needs. You want smut you'll get smut, you want humour you'll get humour, whatever you want you'll get but you gotta review! Xxx Danni**


	2. Emmett's Unfortunate Event

**Hi Darlings bet you didn't think that id update so soon. Don't get used to it ;) Here is the next instalment. Anything you want added to the story just gimme a review and I will try to work in your suggestion. All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

_Previously:  
Ms Slate's voice broke into my thoughts. "Now class, our next unit of work will be dedicated to the wonders of…"_

_**Tuesday Health Class**_

EPOV  
"Teenage Pregnancy!" Ms Slate looked excited but her face quickly fell when she realised that nobody else shared her enthusiasm. I heard Rosalie hiss behind me and Emmett's gentle words. Yeah I know did I just think that? It's strange considering that he leaves a pile of ash and destruction wherever he goes and is always the first to be crude but he really is very sensitive when it comes to Rosalie and pregnancy. Bella looked mortified beside me and unsuccessfully tried to bury her face in my shoulder. I trawled through the thoughts around me. Alice was already picking out names for her "baby", Rosalie was wallowing in self pity and thinking of ways that she could murder the teacher. I didn't blame her, it really wasn't fair that she had to sit through a pregnancy class when she was unable to actually get pregnant. The students around me became mildly interested and I sighed as a heard many girls think to themselves how they were going to become my partner. Sigh, I couldn't help it if I was a god. I smiled to myself and then turned back to Bella. She was nervously playing with her fingers.

"All right" Ms Slate began. "Now we all know HOW to get pregnant but how many of you know about contraception?"

This received a few sniggers form around the room and I saw Emmett grinning from the corner of my eye.

"Contraception comes in many forms, the most popular being condoms and the pill." She pulled a tiny amount of capsules out and showed them around the room. Next she pulled out a replica penis and a condom. The class giggled to themselves and I was surprised by Emmett's thoughts.

"_What the fuck is that piece of rubber in her hand and why the hell is she holding a dildo?"  
_He stared perplexed at the small piece of latex as the teacher paused mid sentence.

"Emmett! How about you? " Ms Slate was staring at him as she held out the dildo and the condom to him. I laughed but smothered is and tried to cover it up with a cough. Emmett after all his years having sex had never figured out how to use a condom! Bella giggled a little as well as Emmett shuffled up to the front of the class and gingerly took the condom form Ms Slate's hand.

"_Ha this should be good, we don't need condoms and he was a virgin when I met him! I can't believe he hasn't figured out what it is!"_ Rosalie laughed to herself as he giant of a husband handled the thin piece of latex.

"_Lets crank up the fear, with a hint of embarrassment,"_ Jasper was concocting a recipe for disaster as he manipulated Emmett's emotions. Emmett was now huddled on stage as he desperately tried to figure out what she wanted him to do with it.

"_Maybe I'm supposed to wear it like a glove? Or maybe it's a water bomb but what the hell am I supposed to do with the dildo. Surely she doesn't want Rose and I to give a demo…"_

"Emmett!" Rose hissed at vampire speed so that only our siblings could pick it up. "Put the ring on the top of the dildo and slipe it down. Make sure you can roll it down easily and pinch the top." Good one Rose, I thought, ruin the fun for the rest of us! Emmett quickly followed her instructions then handed the sheathed dildo back to Ms Slate and fled back to his seat. The laughter that my siblings and I were trying to contain was effecting Jasper and soon the whole class was in gales of laughter.

The rest of the lesson progressed smoothly. At the end Ms Slate announced that next week we would be reviewing the menstrual cycle and then we would be moving onto pregnancy. This was going to be one long project.

**There you go, another chapter. Please, please review for me!**


	3. A Little Trouble

**I am not adding another chapter until I get a review. Please… just one… **


	4. The Joy's of Being Male

**Hello guys and Gals! Thank you for those very few people who reviewed. I would appreciate it if you did more often. Enjoy!**

_Previously: This was going to be one long project._

_**Wednesday Health Class**_

Lunchtime with the Cullens was always interesting. I hadn't figured it out yet but somehow they managed to hid their food without me noticing. I had asked Edward about it once but he had just shrugged me off and winked. Dang didn't he know what he did to me. Didn't he know what that wink did to me. Stupid ignorant vampire! Rose and Emmett were absent as usual. Thank gosh I didn't have vampire hearing yet because knowing what they were doing was enough. I didn't need to be able to hear it as well. Jasper and Alice were staring at each other as per usual. Their silent conversation forming an impenetrable bubble around them. Most times Edward and I talked. Today though he was strangely quiet. I was pondering this when the bell went for fifth period.

EPOV

I took Bella's hand as walked into Ms Slate's class. I could hear her heart thumping erratically in her chest. I smiled to myself knowing that my touch did that to her. Who's the man? I'm THE MAN! I grinned inwardly as we took our seats. Emmet and Rose appeared seconds later. Rosalie looked immaculate while Emmett had his shirt on backwards. They stank of… well I'm not quite sure what that smell was but I certainly didn't want to know what had caused it. Emmett gave me a shit eating grin.

"_Wondering what we were doing little bro? Here I'll give you a playback"._ Images of a janitors closet filled my head and I turned around and growled at him.

RANDOM GIRL POV

_OMG! Did Edward Cullen just growl! That is so hot!_

EPOV

He laughed and poked his tongue at me. How fricken childish could you get. I calmed myself knowing that Emmett would suffer at least some form of embarrassment this lesson. Soothingly I rubbed my temples and concentrated on the now present teacher.

"Well class as you know today is on menstruation so I suggest you pay attention"

The teacher continued to explain the 28 day cycle and a load of other things that I didn't pay attention to. Instead I focused on the thoughts around me.

"_Wow the Boredom in here is overpowering!"_ Jasper. Seriously get the hell over it emo! He annoyed me so much sometimes. Ugh! He was like a chick with constant PMS not cool!

"_Mmmm Ms Slate is really smoking!"_ I stared around in disbelief. Who had that come from. Who the hell could think that our 50 something year old teacher with grey hair saggy boobs chicken legs and bony knees could be hot. There was something seriously wrong with humans sometimes…

"_What the hell! Girls bleed from there?"_ I chuckled at Emmett's lack of knowledge on this subject. I was confused that he could name every sex position discovered by man but he had  
(a) never seen a condom  
(b) never heard of a period and  
(c) Rose had never explained to him where babies came from. Well wasn't he going to get a shock. How had he not ever taken this class before?

"Class please listen up!" Ms Slate yelled over the steadily increasing noise. "Now as a young female you have two choices of feminine hygiene products. These are tampons and pads. What you decide to wear is totally up to you. Now boys one day you will be buying tampons for your girlfriend or wife so pay attention to what she uses, what brand and what absorbency.

JPOV

Wow I didn't think that anyone could ever be that terrified. Anybody would think that there was an axe murderer standing at the front of the room rather than a teacher holding a tampon.

EPOV

"Tampons are pushed up through the entrance to the vagina and sit internally. They soak up the moisture before it can seep out. The walls of the vagina hold the tampon in place. They can be pulled out by the string. The other options are using pads".

Ms Slate began to unwrap a pad.

"_How the hell do you fit that up there?" _That would be the idiot Mike Newton. Of course he had no idea about pads. Typical male human.

"These sit externally in the lining of the panties. It is messier than a tampon but more suitable for a girl who wishes not to put her fingers up the opening of her vagina.

"Please watch as I demonstrate how much liquid a normal pad and tampon can soak up." Ms Slate revealed a large glass bowl filled with red coloured water. She dipped the tampon in for a few seconds then brought it out.

Holy Shit!

JPOV

What the Fuck!

EM POV

Oh My Carlisle!

MIKE POV

That fits up THERE?

EPOV

How the hell does that work. Bella isn't using one of them it will dehydrate her form the inside out! I looked around the room only to notice that two boys had fled teh class room and another had fainted. Pussies!

Ms Slate continued how to attach a pad to a pair of panties. The bell finally rang and Bella rushed from the room her face blazing. Well I can't wait to see what Ms Slate has in store next lesson!

**Hope you enjoyed it!. Any ideas are welcome! Xxx**


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